Keep Hold Page 16

  Queen Street was the only place Kathryn knew to find pubs and bars in Melbourne. Where there were pubs and bars, there were bound to be men. She wasn’t disappointed. Nor was she choosy.

  A tall, thickset man in an expensive suit was the first to approach. He was neither handsome nor ugly with boring brown hair, but pleasant features. “Can I buy you a drink?”

  “Of course you can. But don’t if you’re married.” Kathryn didn’t allow her eyes to stray from the glass of gin twirling in her hand.

  “Well, I’m not married, so I guess it’s okay then,” he happily replied.

  “Do you have a girlfriend?” Kathryn asked flatly. She didn’t have the time or the inclination to play games.

  “No.”

  “Are you gay?”

  “No.”

  “Do you have erectile dysfunction?” This time Kathryn looked him in the eye with a faint grin.

  “No. Thank you for asking. My equipment works just fine.” He returned her smile.

  “Then yes, please. I’d love you to buy me a drink.” She turned on her stool and openly perused her victim.

  The thing Kathryn realised about most men was that they more often than not required little, if any, emotional connection to prospective partners. Had she been asked similar ridiculous questions, her response would have undoubtedly been for her suitor to take a hike. Her questions clearly indicated to this man that sex was a strong possibility. Is that really all it takes? She wondered how appallingly she would have to behave before he walked away. Not convinced she wouldn’t tire of the game well before he did, Kathryn let him do the talking while she giggled politely and concentrated on drinking.

  “So what do you do?” Tony had introduced himself and pulled a stool in close.

  “I’m a hooker.”

  His jaw nearly dislocated and fell from his face.

  “Only joking. I’m an accountant. What do you do, Tony?” she asked, trying to sound remotely interested.

  “I sell sound systems.”

  “That’s an expensive suit you’re wearing.”

  He grinned, lopsided, but nice enough. “They’re expensive sound systems.”

  “I see.”

  Kathryn knew it was never a good idea for her to begin drinking so early in the day. It stood to reason that she would peak early and she did. Seven o’clock saw them both unsteady on their feet.

  “My place? You interested?” Her words weren’t slurring as such. She sounded more like a teenager with a new tongue piercing.

  Their hands had begun exploring each other soon after the third drink. Although her approach had been crude and a little sluttish, Kathryn found herself enjoying Tony’s company. It came as quite a shock to find he was genuinely charming and funny. Now it was becoming evident that they either make or break. Kathryn was excited. She fully intended to screw this man senseless until she orgasmed with the same ease as she had with Claire. She knew her body now, knew what it would take to come, and she intended to insist Tony deliver.

  “Your place? Is that an offer?” Tony hesitated.

  “Look.” Alcohol gave Kathryn the courage for the direct approach. “Do you want to fuck me or not?”

  “Jesus Christ. You put it like that, how’s a man to say no?”

  Tony hailed a bright yellow cab and they sat in the backseat, kissing and fondling like teenagers for the entire journey.

  Thoughts of anyone or anything other than herself failed to register significance. She dragged Tony into the house and shut him in her room while she composed herself and attempted to act sober, find her sister, and request some privacy.

  “Hey there.” Alex beamed from the dining table. Jess was nowhere to be seen.

  “Hi, Alex.” Kathryn hesitated. “Look, I’ve brought some company home.” This conversation had sounded better when she rehearsed it in her head. “I won’t introduce him. Bit early for family introductions and all.”

  Blushing, Kathryn backed out of the room. “I’ll just shut this door, eh? He won’t be staying. We’ll probably only talk for a while and he’ll leave. No big deal, really. Okay. See you in the morning.” Kathryn disappeared.

  *

  At ten past eight, Claire slid her key in the front door, physically relishing the comfort of being home. Her shoulders relaxed instantly, and the throbbing headache behind her eyes retreated, if only a little.

  Smiling, she slumped on her bed. Thank God today is over. She gently held her breast in place with one hand while she untied her runners and removed her socks with the other, flexing her hot and sweaty toes.

  It wasn’t until she stretched out, arms crossed on her chest providing support, that she heard what she thought sounded like a man grunting.

  *

  Kathryn had teased Tony, mirroring the way Claire had teased her the previous day. She’d invited him to inspect how wet he’d made her and he promised to “Worship her body and feed her soul.”

  She couldn’t argue with a man wanting to do that.

  He went down on her, and delivered everything she asked for. He knew his way around a woman’s body and he was thoughtful and attentive. He may have been a bit chubby, but he was strong and tanned with only moderate chest hair. Kathryn couldn’t be with a man who was hairy all over. Andy had had a hairy back, and although she used to laugh with him about it, she hated touching it. Kathryn had the power. She felt liberated.

  Tony brought her to orgasm with his fingers after apologising because he had come first.

  Kathryn’s day had not unfolded as planned. On the plus side, she had probably found a job and now she was naked with a man she had practically promised to have sex with within thirty seconds of meeting him. Tony was proving to be a nice man. She hated the word nice usually, but they’d only spent a short time together. She couldn’t confidently say he was much more or less than that. After all, she imagined any man that picked up in a bar mid afternoon was thrilled with his day. She was hopeful he wouldn’t disappoint her. Already, Tony was proving a more attentive lover than Andy. She was over Andy, therapy had made sure of that, but sometimes a wave of regret would wash over her causing her to question why she allowed it to go on so long.

  There had been some comparison between sex with Claire and sex with Tony. Both were better than Andy, both were adventurous and spontaneous—less so with Tony—and on both occasions she orgasmed.

  If she were to be honest, the connection with Claire was deeper, but she put that down to familiarity. She’d known Claire for years, and Tony, although genuine and seemingly kind, had been in her life just a few hours. The good news was that she wasn’t a lesbian. I’m not gay. The relief was immense.

  She understood sleeping with a man before going on at least one date wasn’t ideal, but at least she knew they were sexually compatible before she wasted time getting to know him.

  She was straight, and if things went to plan, she’d soon be off the shelf.

  *

  Claire moved to the edge of the bed, cocking her head to listen. She was certain the grunting was inside the house, and upon reaching her doorway, was convinced it wasn’t the TV, nor did it appear to be coming from the living room.

  In the centre of the hall, the noises became louder.

  “Aghhhh. Ohhhh. Yeah, ah, ah, ah. Oh, baby.”

  Someone was in Kathryn’s room.

  Without considering the possibility that she might interrupt anyone doing anything much, let alone two consenting adults in the throes of passion, Claire barged through the door.

  The pain of the injuries inflicted by Maree Black earlier that day was nothing compared to the pain of seeing Kathryn lying naked under an unknown man. The hand of the sociopath had only grazed the surface. In comparison, Kathryn’s hand broke the skin, delved deep into her chest, and wrenched out her already damaged heart.

  “Oh my God!” Kathryn pulled the sheet over her.

  The man, whose face was already bright red from his efforts, looked horrified before rolling off Kathryn and then
continuing off the other side of the bed, landing on the floor with a thud and a groan.

  Claire struggled to breathe. The dull ache that had taken residence behind her eyes engulfed her entire head. Her already bruised and battered chest now harboured a deep burning ache in the very centre. As Kathryn called her name, Claire struggled to stumble in retreat, returning to the solace of her room.

  Claire lay foetal, head spinning, struggling to deepen her intake of air. She began to question what had transpired the previous day. As if on cue, her groin throbbed.

  Kathryn had wanted her. They had wanted each other. Claire had given her every opportunity to escape, every opportunity to have her fill, walk out, and pretend nothing as monumental as experiencing your first ever multiple orgasm had ever taken place. Kathryn had wanted more. She had received and then willingly given. Hadn’t she?

  It was useless. Claire unfurled her tightened muscles and limbs. There was no point questioning yesterday. A more accurate appraisal would be to question herself—Victoria and now Kathryn. Well done, Claire. You must be one hell of a catch.

  Unable to shake the feeling of pure hopelessness, Claire changed into her pyjamas and moped to the bathroom. The cold water was a welcome coolness on her burning eyes.

  “Is that you, Claire?” Alex tapped lightly on the bathroom door.

  Alex knew. She knew Kathryn had someone with her. “Yeah, it’s me. I’ll be through in a minute.”

  “Murray called.”

  Claire sighed. She knew it.

  “Come talk to me when you’re done.”

  Maree Black and her vice-like grip came flooding back, reminding Claire precisely how shit her day had been. She collected her thoughts and pushed the vision of Kathryn and the man to the far recesses of her mind. The reprieve would be short-lived and she had no doubt she would relive the hurt for days to come.

  Attempting to set a light-hearted tone, Claire was as ready as she would ever be to face Jess and Alex. She burst through the hall door. “Well, thank God that day is over.”

  Jess hugged her carefully. “You okay, little one?”

  Claire nodded.

  “You know, you only have to ask for a grope if that’s what you need. I can help out anytime.”

  “Jess.” Alex growled.

  “The offer’s open to you, too, honey. I don’t discriminate.”

  Claire smiled. Years with Jess had left her able to read her like a book. “You should take your wife to bed, Alex. I think she needs some attention.”

  “She’s been like it all day.”

  “I am in the room, you know.” Jess sighed. “Bloody hormones. I’m going to take a cold shower.”

  Alex patted the couch beside her. “Come tell me about the charming Maree Black.”

  Claire slowly sank into Alex’s embrace as exhaustion washed over her. She recounted the events of the day. In a way, Claire thanked God for Maree Black. Without her, she would have had to try harder to conjure the energy required to pretend she was okay. Alex soothed her with words for what Black had done, and Claire soaked them up, feeling soothed instead for what Kathryn was doing.

  Claire was thankful—especially as Alex stroked the hair from her eyes—for having people who loved her, but being loved wasn’t the same as being in love. Claire fell in love with people. Why didn’t they fall in love back? Not that she was in love with Kathryn, but there had been a glimmer of something special, something she hadn’t experienced since Jess, and it was alarmingly, now she had the chance to reflect, nothing she had ever experienced with Victoria. She was beginning to wonder why she had been kidding herself with Victoria all this time. She honestly thought she loved Victoria and would continue to do so until the day she died, but perhaps Victoria knew something she didn’t. Perhaps Victoria knew she wasn’t really the one for Claire. Claire was rapidly losing faith and confidence in her own judgement.

  “You’d better sort Jess out before she sends for the sex slaves in the dungeons,” Claire said.

  “Will you sleep okay?”

  “Yeah, I feel exhausted.” She smiled and headed for her room. “Thanks, Alex.”

  “Anytime.”

  Claire stalled on the threshold. “You seem to be propping me up a lot lately.”

  “That’s what friends are for,” said Alex.

  “Yeah, well, this friend appreciates it.”

  “And this friend”—Alex stalled on the bottom step—“is here for you always.”

  From the hall, all Claire could hear was silence. She’d heard the front door close shortly after interrupting Kathryn, so she assumed he had left, or perhaps they had both taken off. She decided she didn’t care either way.

  Her breast was bruised and tender, and although it was a warm evening, she wore a loose fitting tank top.

  There was a light knock on her door. She knew it was Kathryn and ignored it.

  “Claire, I know you’re in there.”

  Claire opened the door a fraction. She didn’t want to invite Kathryn in. Kathryn was wearing an old T-shirt, and Claire unabashedly looked her up and down before settling her gaze on her eyes. “If you knock and no one answers, it usually means they don’t want to see you. What do you want?”

  The bruising and bandages were visible beyond the confines of the tank top and Kathryn noticed them. “What happened? Are you okay?”

  “What happens to me is none of your business. What do you want?” Claire’s tone was neither angry nor threatening.

  “I’m sorry, Claire. I don’t know what to say. I guess I still like men.”

  “Good for you. But I already gathered that.”

  “Can I just explain?”

  “No. You can’t. Good night, Kathryn.” Claire closed the door, sunk into her bed, and cried herself to sleep, a habit that was becoming all too familiar.

  *

  Kathryn stood outside Claire’s room for a long time. She raised her arm at least three times to knock again, but in the end, she crept back to her own room.

  The bed was a crumpled mess and she went about straightening the sheets.

  Claire had been hurt. She had seen bloodied bandages on her chest.

  A used condom sat shrivelled in a tissue on the bedside table. She grabbed another three tissues and wrapped it tightly in a ball before pushing it to the bottom of her small waste paper basket.

  Claire was hurt and she was all alone. Claire needed her.

  She pulled the bin liner out of the basket and tied the corners. She placed the bag near her door to take outside when she left in the morning.

  She wanted to go to Claire. She wanted to find out who hurt her and she wanted to hurt them in return.

  Damn it.

  She threw a pillow on the bed and marched back to Claire’s closed door. She knocked again.

  There was no answer, but she knew Claire was inside.

  She was poised to knock again when the phone beeped in her room.

  She stared at Claire’s door and then at the doorway to her room. The hallway felt like a crossroads. Claire through one door and Tony through the other. Her phone beeped again.

  What could she offer Claire? False hope? Empty promises and lies? She wasn’t gay and even for Claire she couldn’t pretend to be. No, she had to make the choice that was best for everyone. She had to be cruel to be kind. It was wrong to let Claire believe she was interested. She liked men. She liked Tony.

  Kathryn closed her eyes and walked away from Claire’s door.

  The message from Tony was sweet. It thanked her for the most interesting day he’d had since reaching puberty. He asked her to dinner the following evening. Before replying, she stood in her doorway and took one last look toward Claire’s room. She shook her head and sent a message saying she’d be delighted to finally go on a date with him.

  She closed the door.

  Kathryn convinced herself that closing the door on Claire and opening it to Tony was the right thing to do.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Claire had
slept well, thanks to painkillers, and she woke with a sense of calm regarding Kathryn. The facts appeared clear. Kathryn had been married and was probably straight. Their coming together was simply the universe telling them both to move on. Kathryn had finally orgasmed more than once, and Victoria was no longer the last person to make love to Claire. In reality, it was a win-win situation.

  “Morning, Jess.”

  Jess glanced up sharply as Claire entered the kitchen beaming, her singsong greeting far from what she expected so early in the morning.

  “Morning, Claire. What’s with you? Nothing like a little prisoner-on-nurse assault to brighten your mood. Incidentally, did you press charges?”

  Murray and Claire had discussed this, but Claire was adamant she wanted to let it go. It wasn’t as if Black was a danger to the wider community; she would probably be inside for the rest of her life. Claire wanted to forget it. “Nope. Life’s too short to spend my precious time even thinking about that evil woman. It would serve no real purpose other than to piss me off.”

  “Fair call. That was going to be my advice,” Jess said with an odd tone before winking.

  “My God, you really do have some weird hormones going on at the moment, don’t you?”

  “What? Why?”

  “You just gave me the wink.”

  “What wink?” Jess frowned.

  “The wink. You know? The one that says let’s-screw-right-here-right-now.”

  Jess was horrified. “I did not!”

  “Really? You don’t think I would know that wink after falling prey to it countless times?” Claire raised her eyebrows. “It was the wink.”

  “I didn’t mean it, Claire. I didn’t even know I’d done it.”

  “I’m teasing,” Claire said before pouring them both more coffee. “But I think you should head upstairs. I can’t risk another one of those winks.”

  “Oh, piss off, will you.”

  “Hey, hey, hey, Madam Crown, no swearing in front of the children.”

  Jess scowled. “I swear in front of you, don’t I?”