Keep Hold Read online

  On the bed beside Claire sat her iPod. Kathryn smiled. She sure loves that thing. Without consideration, she crept into the room, untangled the earphone wires from Claire’s fingers, and set the device next to her notebook on the bedside table. Claire’s skin glistened in the moonlight. Nothing private was exposed, but the heat of the evening left a sheen of sweat on Claire’s brow, down her neck and chest, disappearing under the white cotton sheet that moulded to her outstretched body.

  The room smelled surprisingly fresh, given the humid evening and the amount of ouzo Claire had consumed. Pomegranate or something sweet lingered in the oppressive air. Following her nose, Kathryn found a collection of candles, the heat causing them to emit the pleasant aroma.

  A tiny strand of curly hair fell across Claire’s face, but Kathryn’s eyes wandered to the smoothly shaven armpit Claire exposed by resting her hand on the pillow above her head. She’d always assumed lesbians didn’t shave their armpits. Silly really, because she knew Jess shaved hers. Almost unconsciously, her eyes moved to the slight rise between Claire’s legs, but in the moonlight, under a sheet, she couldn’t tell the state of what lay beneath. It astounded her that she wanted to know.

  Kathryn gently reached for the strand of hair and settled it back in place. Claire stirred, but only slightly, and the contented moan that escaped her almost caused Kathryn to disturb her again, ever so slightly, simply to hear the sound once more.

  Without hesitation, Kathryn kissed two of her own fingers before gently touching Claire’s cheek. Another soft moan and Claire rolled over, her face illuminated by the full moonlight. Kathryn smiled and crept back to her own room, careful not to make a sound.

  With the light on, the magic of a moonlit room disappeared. Kathryn looked around at her bedroom, or her sister’s spare room. Its name did nothing to alter the emptiness she felt at that moment. She stared at her reflection in the full-length mirror and continued to do so as she slowly undressed. She lifted her arm to reveal an armpit with two day old stubble. Her breasts were sizeable and still perky. Jess often accused Kathryn of milking her mother of her entire stash of large boob genes.

  Since leaving Andy, Kathryn’s stomach had flattened, but she wasn’t entirely sure why. She hadn’t toned up in spite of him, nor to make him jealous or flaunt before him what he’d lost. In fact, she had made no conscious attempt to do anything but find herself. The naked figure staring back at her had found herself after her marriage ended, and she was comfortable with that. Her energy until that point, however, had been focused on leaving the old behind. Now it was time to look to the future, now she was lost again, and the feeling was equally frightening and exhilarating.

  Without giving it another thought, she switched off the light and swung the curtains wide open. She threw her pyjamas on the chair, tossed back the doona, and slid under the sheet. The sensation of the bedding on her bare skin was best described as new.

  The phone resting on her bedside table commanded her attention like a beacon. She had resisted for long enough and finally replayed the footage from that afternoon. She cringed at how awkward she looked, completely aware of their closeness, while Claire possessed a self-confidence that Kathryn wasn’t entirely convinced originated solely from excessive ouzo.

  It was one thing, Kathryn realised, to be in a moment and experience it. It was something else altogether to watch yourself hold hands with another woman, embrace her, soothe her, console her, and then let her kiss you.

  Something else altogether.

  Chapter Twelve

  Claire woke to the sound of distant chatter and the enticing aroma of a Sunday fry-up. It had been light outside for hours, but a nurse on rotating shifts could sleep under just about any condition. She hoped breakfast was nearly ready; she was famished.

  “Ah, here she is. Our very own sleeping beauty.” Jess cuddled her tightly as she traipsed, bleary eyed, into the kitchen.

  Kathryn smiled at her before returning to the stove. Bacon sizzled in the frying pan.

  “In bed before us all and the last up, you must have needed the sleep,” Jess said.

  Claire had needed the sleep, and she could have fallen asleep again, warm in the familiarity of Jess’s embrace. The ever-increasing bump that would one day produce twins protruded into Claire. “I’m allowed to touch your belly when they start kicking, aren’t I?”

  It was obviously the first time Jess had considered that people might actually want to touch her. “You’ll be the only one.”

  “Ah-hum?” Both Alex and Kathryn cleared their throats in unison.

  “Oh, you know what I mean.” She turned to Kathryn. “Of course you can fondle my belly, too. It’s expected.” Jess winked. “My big sister and my little sister, my incestuous dream comes true.”

  “Are we having a threesome?” Claire wasn’t entirely sure what the private joke was about, but sidled up behind Kathryn, seductively massaging her shoulders regardless. She ogled the delicious looking breakfast.

  “Not without me,” said Alex.

  Everyone laughed except Kathryn, who silently slipped from beneath Claire’s hands and hobbled into the garden.

  “I’m thinking of going back to work on Tuesday,” Claire said. “I feel ready for the distraction, but in a good way this time. The dreams have stopped, I can get to sleep relatively easily, and that will only improve once I’m busy and occupied at work.”

  Silence.

  Jess frowned. It was a well rehearsed and well executed barrister frown. Claire recognised it immediately.

  “I know what I’m doing,” she said.

  “What’s Jean’s advice?” asked Jess.

  “Not everything Jean says is right, you know,” said Claire. “She’s not Dumbledore.” Claire remembered Jess’s first rule of being a lawyer—never ask a question you don’t already know the answer to. She was doomed.

  “And yesterday? What was that?”

  Claire looked to Kathryn, who’d returned and commenced dishing up. Their eyes met, but she wasn’t sure how to read Kathryn’s expression.

  “Give me a break. I’m allowed to get pissed off at Victoria now and again aren’t I?”

  “And it simply validates my point that, given Jean’s advice also, it wouldn’t hurt to take another week off,” said Jess.

  “Kathryn and I talked yesterday.” Claire looked pleadingly toward Kathryn for support. “I’m ready to move forward. I want to be me again. I think going back to work will help that. Kathryn, what do you think?”

  Kathryn looked from Jess to Claire. “I don’t know. You’ve been in a crisis this last month with all the dreams. This last week especially hasn’t been pretty. Let’s swap places for a second. What advice would you give me?”

  Claire lowered her head.

  “Claire?” Kathryn prodded.

  Jess relaxed in her seat, a smug grin twisting the corners of her mouth as if she’d finished crucifying a defence witness on the stand. “It’s the best thing, honey. You know we love you.”

  “Plus,” said Kathryn, intervening before Claire hurled her eggs at Jess. “I was going to tackle the garden this week. I was hoping you might help.”

  Claire glared at Jess. “You put her up to this, didn’t you?”

  “Not guilty, Your Honour.”

  Claire’s shoulders dropped. “Okay, I’ll take this week off, but on one condition.” Claire looked them all in the eye, although Alex had thankfully remained silent. “As of right now, I’m just normal old Claire again, okay?”

  “Here we go,” muttered Jess.

  “I’m not joking, Jess.”

  “But you’re not ‘Old’ Claire, though, are you? I mean, you’re actually younger than all of us,” Alex joked.

  Claire shook her head. “And you were doing so well with your mouth shut. You lot are impossible, but I mean it. After Victoria’s message yesterday, the ouzo, smashing plates, and talking with Kathryn, I don’t want to dwell on any of it any longer. What happened, happened. I can’t change that, so c
an we go back to just being us? No more mothering, okay?”

  “But that’s not fair. I need practice,” said Jess.

  “And I’ve always mothered you,” Alex added before they both looked toward Kathryn for her contribution.

  “Don’t look at me. You two seem to have it covered.”

  Claire remembered the kiss they shared yesterday. Nothing about that had been motherly.

  Although she would only ever grudgingly admit it, Claire enjoyed the prospect of spending the week working in the garden with Kathryn. She’d been worried that Kathryn might have felt uncomfortable about the kiss, but it hadn’t been mentioned again. It had been entirely innocent at the time, but upon reflection—and she liked to reflect upon it often—it was sexy as hell.

  What Kathryn had said resonated somewhere inside her, and she realised she could either go mad wondering where she went wrong with Victoria, or simply begin to let it go. The kiss symbolised a new beginning, and thankfully, Kathryn didn’t appear offended.

  *

  Kathryn knew Jess loved the garden. It was her therapy to counteract dealing with criminal scum on a daily basis, but since becoming pregnant, she’d been advised to take it easy, especially with twins. Kathryn was happy to help spruce up the garden, even though she’d never tended to a garden before. Andy had done all that. Regardless, it was the least she could do.

  The evening was hot and humid, as usual, but the welcome northerly breeze provided some relief.

  “So, where shall we start?” Claire nudged her.

  “Pardon?”

  “The garden. What’s your plan of attack?”

  Kathryn was surveying the front jungle. It looked dishevelled and neglected. If it hadn’t been for the need to provide Claire with a distraction, she would have just organised for a landscaping company to come and do it all. “I’ve no idea. I’ve never touched a garden before.”

  “What?”

  “I was under pressure. I had to think of something to deter you from work. It was the best I could come up with.”

  “Ah, I get it. You just love my company so much you had to think of a plan to keep me here.”

  “Get over yourself, Claire.” Kathryn snapped out the words before she could stop herself. She knew Claire was only playing with her.

  “Ah, but will you get over me?”

  Until now, it hadn’t occurred to Kathryn that she was under Claire, let alone in need of getting over her. What the hell was going on in her head?

  “I was only joking. Sorry. No more innocent flirting with the straight girl. I promise.”

  Kathryn bit her tongue this time and sighed. “I’ll prune and weed. You mow and tidy the edges.”

  “Okay, sounds fair. Will your ankle hold up?”

  “Wasn’t no mothering the deal?”

  “Not at all. You lot aren’t to mother me, and anyway, I’m a nurse. I’m allowed to ask medical questions.”

  “My ankle will be fine. I’ll alternate between sitting and standing.”

  “Excellent. We have it sorted.” Claire turned to leave before adding, “Maybe we could start early tomorrow then knock off and have drinks in the afternoon. Perhaps a bit of ouzo, slow dancing. Who knows where it could lead.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  After a mediocre sleep, Claire rose early to run. She missed Kathryn’s company, but enjoyed her solitude, pounding the leafy streets of Melbourne. She returned home to what appeared to be an empty house. Jess worked long hours and Alex’s shifts were sometimes unpredictable, so they had probably travelled together, but she had no idea where Kathryn might be.

  It wasn’t until experiencing the calming quiet that Claire realised how much she missed her own space. Moving out of her flat had been more about her dwindling bank balance and less about herself. Now that she was slowly pushing Victoria from her subconscious, she was determined to enjoy these moments alone whenever the opportunity arose.

  As much as she loved Jess, her jazz filled iPod provided background music at best. Claire slotted hers into the expensive sound system and turned it up loud.

  Within moments of sitting down to eggs, bacon, mushrooms, and spinach, and even over the thumping beat of Sia, Jess came crashing down the stairs.

  “Claire! Are you there?”

  Claire nearly choked in surprise.

  “Claire! Turn that fucking music down.”

  The moment Jess screamed the words, Claire hit the remote and silence prevailed. “Hey, Madam Crown, don’t swear in front of the children.”

  “The damn children are the problem.”

  “Really? Not their foul-mouthed mother?”

  “I need your help, please.” Jess appeared in a bra with a towel wrapped around her lower half.

  “Sure, but why aren’t you at work?”

  “Gyno appointment at ten. So, you’ll help?”

  “Yeah, where’s Alex?”

  “I’m meeting her there. Jesus, Claire. Stop asking questions.” Jess rolled her eyes in frustration.

  “Okay, okay. What can I do for you?”

  “Come upstairs with me.”

  “Why? Is there a spider? You know I hate spiders, Jess. Can’t you just throw something at it and I’ll clean up the mess?”

  “Shut up will you? What’s with your onslaught of ridiculous questions?” Frustrated, Jess released the towel. “I haven’t had time to go to the salon. I thought I could manage, but this fucking stomach of mine is getting in the way.”

  Struggling to compose herself, Claire found the sight of Jess half waxed, hilarious.

  “I’ve done okay so far.” She was barely convincing herself. “But I can’t get a decent grip on the end of this wax strip to yank it off.”

  “Oh, you poor thing.” Claire attempted to smother her laughter.

  “I’ve tried ripping it downward, but it just hurts like hell.”

  Claire was near hyperventilation. “You’re lucky I’ve seen it all before.” She knelt before Jess to get a closer look.

  “I’m just glad you’re not Kathryn.”

  “Glad who’s not Kathryn?” The voice came first—Claire and Jess snapped their heads up—followed by the body, the look of disgust, and then finally the hysterical yelling.

  “Oh, come on. You have to be fucking kidding. You two disgust me!”

  Claire shoved the towel at Jess.

  “I can’t believe I swallowed that bullshit the other night.”

  “Kathryn—”

  “Alex has been gone fifteen minutes and you’re at it. And in the kitchen of all places!”

  Kathryn looked like her head might explode into a thousand pieces of chopped tomato.

  “Kath—”

  “You’re a fucking liar, Jessica Mercer. How fucking convenient that Victoria moved away and how fucking convenient that Claire needed somewhere to stay.”

  “Just stop, Kathryn—”

  “Do you honestly think fucking her is the answer, you selfish shit?”

  Claire briefly wondered when Jess would yell, “Objection, Your Honour.”

  “Do you think it’s funny to ruin the lives of the people you’re supposed to care about? Are you deliberately trying to make a whore out of Claire? You make me sick, you do. I’m disgusted you’re my sister.”

  Kathryn stormed from the room.

  Jess obviously contemplated going after her, but stalled. “She’ll have to wait.”

  Seconds later, the front door slammed.

  “Well, that was fun,” said Claire.

  “Just get this fucking wax off me, please.” Jess trudged upstairs.

  *

  Kathryn had slammed the door but remained on the inside.

  The vision of Claire kneeling before Jess made her sick. She ran to her bedroom and slumped against the closed door. All she could hear was the blood rushing through her brain but to her great relief, no footsteps.

  What in God’s name had she just witnessed? Even as the tirade of insults flowed generously from her mouth, the little
voice in the back of her mind told her she probably had it wrong. Why hadn’t she listened to the voice?

  Why had it felt so good to scream at her sister? She shut her eyes tightly but struggled to empty her mind. No, that wasn’t it, she realised. Yelling at Jess was not the source of her satisfaction, defending Claire was.

  Except now, she was pretty sure she had cocked up in monumental proportions.

  She should apologise, she knew that, and she would, but was any excuse good enough?

  *

  “Where’s the baby oil?” Claire gazed at the neatly organised bathroom cupboard, reluctant to disturb any system Jess might have established.

  “How do you know I’ve even got baby oil?”

  “Because I know you.”

  Jess lay on the bed, the towel covering her. “I’ll be late, won’t I? It’s in the bottom drawer.”

  “No way. This will only take a second.” Claire returned with the oil and some cotton balls. The wax strip had become such a sticky conglomeration, even she couldn’t get a solid grip. “Okay, let’s fix this mess.” She frowned. “Well, the wax mess anyway. I’ll leave you to deal with the Kathryn mess.”

  “Don’t even mention her name to me right now.”

  A fire ignited deep within Claire’s belly. “You wanna hope you catch her before I do.”

  “Leave this to me. I’ll deal with her. I don’t want you in the middle of this, okay?”

  “She had no right to talk to you like that.”

  “No, although I don’t see why I copped all the shit. You were the one on your knees.”

  It was obvious that Kathryn’s main target was Jess, but a woman in Jess’s condition shouldn’t have to put up with being spoken to like that. Claire was angry and disappointed. “She obviously didn’t really listen the other night. I don’t know who she thinks she is, but after I’ve had my say—”