Keep Hold Page 10

  “I mean it, Claire. You’ll say nothing. Do you understand?”

  Claire nodded. She really was a poor judge of character, or perhaps she wrongly took people at face value. She honestly thought Kathryn was a genuinely nice person. They were getting on so well and now it had all fallen apart. How was she ever going to trust her judgment in the future, with future partners, if she couldn’t get it right now? “I really want to throttle her.”

  “Do you even know what that means?”

  Claire thought for a second. “No. My mum used to say it. I presume it hurts.”

  “I’ll sort Kathryn out; you just concentrate on tidying up my garden, okay?”

  Claire couldn’t help smiling. “I just did. One lady garden all spick and span, Madam Crown.”

  Jess swiped fresh air in an attempt to hit her.

  “I bet you get that from your little prosecutor minions all the time.”

  “Get out.”

  *

  It was all Claire could do not to march into Kathryn’s room, pack her things, and throw her out onto the street. But it wasn’t her house, and Kathryn wasn’t her sister. Anyway, she hoped to be around for the show when Jess gave her the bollocking of all bollockings. Until that morning, she had found herself beginning to really like Kathryn. She thought they shared a connection, both finding themselves at the dawn of a new era in their lives. And for someone who used to appear neglected and frumpy—dressing like a nun on day release—Kathryn had certainly smartened up. Her looks now matched her witty personality. Claire was disappointed and angry.

  *

  The day was set to be sweltering again and Kathryn hadn’t yet plucked up the courage to leave her room. Despite it being her idea, she looked on from her bedroom window as Claire began to tackle the garden. The efficiency of Claire’s movements indicated she was angry.

  Something about Claire sparked Kathryn’s innermost protective nature. When she saw how intimate she appeared with Jess almost naked, the feeling of rage she experienced was like nothing else in her life. Even discovering that Andy was sleeping with Diane hadn’t provoked as much emotion as seeing Jess and Claire. At ten thirty, Kathryn reluctantly left the confines of her room.

  Freshly mowed lawn made an immediate difference, and after the edges were trimmed, Kathryn found Claire resting in the courtyard appearing to admire her handiwork. The iced water in her hand was a peace offering, but faced with the real life consequences of her earlier actions, Kathryn knew it wasn’t going to be nearly enough.

  As she approached Claire, her eyes became fixated on the sweat dripping down strands of hair not captured under Claire’s hat. Her white tank top was almost saturated.

  Kathryn cleared her throat. Not to forewarn Claire of her approach, but because she genuinely wasn’t convinced she would be able to speak. “I thought you could do with a cold drink. It’s getting hot out here.” She pushed on even though Claire ignored her. “I’ll start the weeding and pruning in the shaded areas and get to the rest later. We have all week.”

  “I’ll get my own drink, thanks.”

  “There’s no need to cut your nose off to spite your face. I’ve already brought you a drink. Please take it.”

  Claire turned to her but simply raised her eyebrows.

  “Stop being so childish.”

  “That’s the pot calling the kettle black. What was your outburst this morning, if not childish?”

  “Can I at least explain?”

  “Explain? Don’t you mean apologise?”

  “Yes, well that, too.”

  “Excellent. I’m all ears.” Claire leaned back.

  “I…well…look, can we just go inside, talk like adults?”

  “It’s a little bit late to want to start behaving like adults now, Kathryn.”

  “Please? I’m sorry. I can explain, Claire…”

  Claire might have said she was ready to hear an explanation, but she certainly wasn’t displaying the attributes of someone willing to accept an apology. Her tone grew mocking. “You don’t get to speak to me like you did and get away with it. If you truly want to believe I’m fucking your sister, go ahead. You were out of line. Now get out of my sight.”

  “I’m so sorry.” Kathryn was trembling.

  “Your apology means shit to me.”

  Kathryn burst into tears and ran into the house. She knew she’d have to work hard for Claire’s forgiveness, but she wasn’t quite expecting Claire to be so hostile. For the second time that day, she found herself retreating to her bedroom.

  She paced the length of the room. Frantically at first until she slowed down.

  Claire’s hostility had matched her own. She’d deserved every word of what Claire had said. One of them had to be the bigger person, and to date they had both failed.

  She had to face Jess yet. Her day wasn’t about to improve any time soon.

  *

  Claire stood motionless under a cool shower, allowing the sweat and grime of her morning work to wash down the drain. She reflected on her anger. She’d never spoken like that before to someone she barely knew. The last time she’d lost her temper was when Victoria left, but she’d lost many things that day.

  It was only just beginning to sink in how shaken Kathryn had been. Surely, she deserved it?

  Claire struggled to concentrate during counselling.

  Of course, Jean was pleased Jess had managed to convince her that the wisest course of action was to take the full two weeks’ leave.

  She studied Claire’s homework, which Alex had also contributed to, and indicated she was pleased that Claire had such great friends, including Kathryn.

  “Yeah, great friend she is.” Claire couldn’t help herself.

  “You’d better explain that one.”

  “It’s nothing.”

  “I’ll be the judge of that.”

  Claire stalled. She hadn’t been prepared to talk about this. “Victoria used to say that Jess treated me like a whore when we were together. Kathryn said Jess was making me into a whore this morning.”

  “Why do you think Victoria referred to your relationship with Jess in that way?”

  “We used to be pretty wild. Jess liked to experiment; we both did. Victoria thought Jess treated me like a fuck buddy, not a proper girlfriend.”

  “Is that how you felt when you were with Jess?”

  “No. Never.”

  “So when Kathryn used that word this morning, you didn’t like it.”

  “Besides the fact that she was well out of order, no, I didn’t like it.”

  “Did Victoria demean your relationship with Jess?”

  “It felt like it. I think she was jealous. She didn’t like that we were friends.” No matter what, Claire couldn’t hate Kathryn. “It’s all a jumbled mess in my head.”

  “Kathryn isn’t Victoria.”

  “I know,” said Claire.

  “Can you write down what happens this evening when you get home?”

  Claire jotted down the homework. “What if I don’t want to speak to her?”

  “Then that’s what you’ll write down.”

  Claire left feeling more confused than when she went in.

  Her day wasn’t over yet. She trudged to meet Murray in an alley filled with coffee shops near the hospital.

  Coffee with Murray was usually all talk of work, often with her amusing twist on even the direst ED situations, but today, coffee with Murray was a consult.

  “Give me your hand.”

  “Sweetheart, we’re in public.” Claire winked.

  Murray cocked her head and reached for Claire’s hand, checking her pulse rate. Claire sighed.

  “Roll up your sleeve.”

  “We’re in a café.”

  “Well done. You’ve passed the observation test. Now, roll up your sleeve.”

  “You don’t have to do this. I can tell you my pressure is fine,” said Claire.

  Murray ignored her, pulled the blood pressure equipment from her bag, along with a
stethoscope, and proceeded to take the reading. Onlookers were amused.

  “How are you feeling?” Murray sat back and sipped her short black.

  “What was the reading?”

  “I asked first.”

  “I’m better. I feel much better. The dreams are different now. I still dream of Victoria, but I’m not trying to kill her anymore. I only used four of the pills and I wanted to come back to work this week.”

  “So I heard.”

  “Alex?”

  “She called with a heads-up.” Murray smiled. “You had no hope of getting back to work this week, my dear.”

  “And my reading?” Claire asked.

  “It’s a little high. Something you want to tell me?”

  “What was it?”

  “Tell me about your day first.”

  “Jesus, Murray, I’ve had a shit day, okay? I’ve just come from a bloody session with Jean and I don’t need this from you. A shit day won’t give me high blood pressure.” She lowered her voice. “Which one of us is the fucking doctor here?”

  Murray frowned. “One fifty-eight over ninety.”

  Shit. “What was it last week?”

  “Normal-ish. Still think you’re ready to come back to work?” Murray ordered more coffee—decaf for Claire. “You don’t realise it, but when you’re stressed, you can’t handle the things you can normally deal with easily.”

  Claire was becoming increasingly frustrated. “I know all this, Murray.”

  “Yes, you know it all professionally, but naturally you aren’t relating it to yourself.”

  “Kathryn and I fought this morning.” Claire saw no reason not to discuss that part of her day. “I flew off the handle. I know I’m not ready to go back to work. She was well out of line though.”

  “Alex mentioned Jess’s sister was staying. What was the fight about?”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Did you discuss the details with Jean?”

  “Yes, I told Jean all about it.”

  “But you were mad?”

  “I went berserk.” Claire dropped her head in her hands. Reliving it was awful.

  “Classic stress symptom. What do you think you would have normally done?”

  Claire thought for a moment, struggling to push past her anger. “Just ignored her I guess. Not bothered with her really.”

  “But you were fired up? Do you like her?”

  “What? No. Don’t be ridiculous. She’s Jess’s sister, for Christ sake.”

  “Calm down, Paddy. I was trying to establish if your conflict was a personality clash, not that you have a crush on her. No wonder your blood pressure is up. How many members of the one family do you want to sleep with?”

  *

  Crush. As if.

  Conveniently forgetting about that morning, she recalled the kiss with Kathryn. Who am I kidding? A crush was exactly what it was.

  Claire weaved in and out of traffic on her way home, annoyed with Murray and the ridiculous situation with Kathryn. Kathryn was consuming her thoughts, and she didn’t intend to stop them. She had initially hoped to witness Jess tearing Kathryn apart, but now she just wished the incident hadn’t happened. She didn’t want it to have been Kathryn that had yelled that morning. She wanted the old Kathryn back, the one she could have a crush on without conflict.

  Conflict always left Claire feeling rotten. In this instance she found herself searching for a good reason why Kathryn may have behaved the way she did. Then she began to examine her own behaviour. Yelling at Kathryn and being mean to her in return was out of character. She couldn’t hold a grudge forever and she wanted to reconcile with Kathryn, but something inside was stopping her from giving in completely.

  Alex was preparing dinner when Claire arrived home. Kathryn was nowhere to be seen. Claire felt exhausted. Apparently, she looked it, too.

  “Hey, honey. Rough day?” Alex drew her into a tight hug.

  “Apparently, I’m cheating with your wife and we’re having oral sex in the kitchen.” Claire sighed, nestling further into Alex’s neck.

  “I know, sweetheart. Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, but it was rough sex this morning, you really ought to keep her on a tighter leash.”

  “What can I say, she likes you that way.” Alex held her at arm’s length. “Seriously, how are you doing?”

  “I’m fine. How was the gyno appointment?”

  “Good, thanks. Four arms, four legs. Just the usual.”

  “Have you seen Kathryn?” Claire washed her hands and selected a knife.

  “I have. She’s meeting Jess after work—neutral territory for their discussion. Plus I think Jess wanted to be in public so she wouldn’t get too worked up.”

  “Oh, okay, probably a good idea.”

  “Good?” Alex looked wary. “I thought you of all people would want to see the formidable Jess Mercer in action, tearing the well-deserved Kathryn Mercer a brand new one?”

  “Maybe. No, not really. Not today?” Claire diced a carrot without even looking at it.

  Alex reached across Claire to remove the knife from her hands, eyeing her carefully. “Why?”

  “Why what?”

  Alex shrugged. “Did everything go okay with Jean?”

  “Yep, fine.” Claire reached for the knife that Alex moved further beyond her reach.

  “And Murray?”

  Claire scowled. “You know how it went with Murray.”

  Alex couldn’t pretend Murray hadn’t phoned her after seeing Claire. “Okay, maybe I know what Murray thinks. But what do you think?”

  For a moment, Claire was annoyed. Why does everyone want to talk about bloody Kathryn all the time? Thankfully, before she verbalised her frustrations, she realised Alex was referring to work. “Oh, she’s right. You’re all right. I’m not ready to go back to work.”

  “And your blood pressure?”

  Claire rolled her eyes. “I’ll monitor it for the next few days.”

  Alex laughed. “I’ll take it, thank you very much. I don’t trust you.”

  Claire snatched the knife and some celery, chopping with precision, her eyes remaining on Alex. “And how exactly is that not mothering me agreement working out for you?”

  Alex shrugged.

  For a while, Alex and Claire chopped in silence. Claire was seething because her high blood pressure reading was rubbish, taken after a counselling session and in the middle of a busy café. Damn load of crap. But it was high and she was hoping to be able to chalk it up to a heavy session with Jean. Time would tell.

  In a voice slightly higher than usual, Alex asked, “Did you see Kathryn at all today? I mean, other than with Jess this morning.”

  Claire was annoyed. The pitch of Alex’s voice indicated she already knew the answer. “Come on, Alex. I’m not a child. We are allowed to have an adult discussion. If there’s something you want to ask, then ask it.”

  “Where are you in your cycle?” Alex’s expression was deadpan.

  “What the fuck?”

  Alex marched toward her, took the knife, and dragged her to the bathroom, shoving her in front of the mirror. “Look at yourself.” Claire stubbornly eyed the sink plug. “Look!”

  Slowly, Claire raised her head and took in her reflection. Her brow was creased, her cheeks bright red, but worst of all, her pupils were dilated and her usually green eyes were a dark, stormy grey.

  “This”—Alex stared at Claire’s reflection, giving her a shake—“isn’t you. What’s going on? Are you premenstrual?”

  “No.” Claire sucked in some deep breaths and gritted her teeth. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me.”

  “And you’ve been sleeping okay?”

  “Yes! I already told you that. I’m falling asleep easily, not waking in the night, hardly dreaming, and feeling refreshed when I wake. Jesus, what is this?”

  Alex shook her head. “And you just went from zero to ten from the moment I asked that question to the end of your answer.”

  Cl
aire slumped onto the edge of the bath. “God, Alex. What’s wrong with me?”

  “Kathryn was really shaken when I came home. She said you’d been pretty harsh with her.”

  Claire glared, about to defend herself before Alex continued. “She didn’t for one second say she didn’t deserve it, but she thought you were going to hit her.”

  “Hit her?”

  “Murray said you were on edge. Is it the message Victoria left?”

  Claire realised, she hadn’t given Victoria a single thought. Saturday had been a turning point. But turning where?

  *

  Kathryn was nervous about seeing Claire after the events of such a long, testing day. She was nervous to the point of feeling ill.

  She and Jess had met for a coffee and resolved their differences after a lengthy discussion. She’d apologised, of course, and had tried to be as honest as possible, but explaining that she was worried for Claire because she thought she was vulnerable sounded silly. She hardly knew Claire. She certainly couldn’t explain her need to protect her, and on top of all that, she couldn’t say how desperately worried she was that Claire would never speak to her again.

  Of course, she apologised near on a million times and although it wasn’t a complete lie, she cited a frustrating and disappointing call to her real estate agent as the possible cause of her agitation. It was no excuse, she had assured Jess, but it had contributed. She would make it up to Jess, she promised.

  Dinner was prepared and waiting to be served when Jess and Kathryn arrived home. Jess approached Claire reading the paper. “Go easy on her, eh? It’s all fixed from my end. The rest is your choice.” She kissed the top of Claire’s head, and then she and Alex disappeared upstairs.

  Claire wouldn’t look at Kathryn as she approached. It was expected, but as long as she listened, she at least had a place to begin reconciliation. Without warning, Claire made a dash for her bedroom.

  “Claire…” Kathryn sighed, straightened, and followed her.

  Claire rushed down the hall and paused near the front door.

  “Don’t make me run down the street after you; you know I won’t keep up.”

  Claire diverted to her bedroom.